When I feel low or invaded by negative thoughts, I try to think of moments that made my life lighter and more joyful. One that’s kept me going for years is sitting on a bus next to a grey-haired, rosy-cheeked woman with a sweet face. She looked at the roses on my lap and said how lovely. As I stood up to go, I gave her the roses. Decades later I can still see her 1000-watt smile of delighted surprise. (Jo had a similar experience recently, bunching a young pregnant woman on a bus, upset by a couple who objected to her sitting in a Disabled seat.)

Those little, charming happenings are what psychotherapist Julia Samuels calls ‘glimmers’. Becoming attuned to noticing, remembering and re-living such ‘fleeting joyous moments… helps us weave more positivity into our daily lives’, she says.

‘Developing Your Glimmer Practice’ was the topic of Julia’s weekly newsletter: The Therapy Works Newsletter in late July. You can subscribe here.

My glimmers today include watching and hearing the buzz of bees on my sedums, butterflies dipping and fluttering round the roses, and eating a choc ice with my husband on a seat dedicated to ‘June the Tune’ outside our village church.

In the same newsletter, Julia wrote about something that has occupied me for many years.: why we tend to brood on negative things and find it harder to focus on good ones. ‘For evolutionary reasons [to help us survive], we are born with a negative bias,’ she explains. ‘If, in addition, we have had many difficult experiences, our nervous system can get fixed on looking for threat.’

Predicting a negative outcome to what we are going to do or – and I tend to do this more nowadays – looking at things, even little ones, we got wrong in the past can become self-fulfilling. We can let ourselves be ruled by the threat of something going wrong – saying or doing the ‘wrong’ thing at work or in our personal lives, losing someone we love, the cost of living forcing us to give up a house we’re happy in, or having an accident – a plane going down, say, which makes the prospect of air travel a terrifying prospect. I’ve never been frightened of flying – in fact I was a foreign reporter for some years - but on a recent flight back from the US I catastrophised about possible dangers and almost couldn’t believe it when we landed intact.

Embracing the glimmers can help us shift where we put our attention and, in turn, shift our mood and perspective, Julia says; ‘helping us to feel saturated in safety’ –a lovely comforting thought.

Julia credits the concept of glimmers to Deb Dana, a clinician and consultant who works with trauma survivors. On her website Rhythm of Regulation, Deb explains that ‘Glimmers are micro-moments of regulation that foster feelings of wellbeing. A glimmer could be as simple as seeing a friendly face, hearing a soothing sound, or noticing something in the environment that brings a smile.’   

Dana insists that glimmers aren’t a form of ‘toxic positivity’ – not a way to be a Pollyanna always looking on the bright side, counting your blessings and discounting your suffering. But they can make you notice something that ‘holds a hint of hope’.

Julia has adapted Dana’s 5-Step Glimmer Practice as a guide for her subscribers. Here’s a slightly edited version, below.

Pause: These glimmer moments are often brief and can easily slip by unnoticed. Make it a habit to pause and acknowledge them throughout your day. Whether it’s a smile from a stranger, a moment of peace in nature, or a warm conversation, these glimmers are all around you, waiting to be noticed.

Observe: Pay attention to your responses to these moments of joy. How does your body respond? Where do you feel it in your body?  What emotions bubble up? What thoughts cross your mind? Becoming aware of these indicators helps you stay present and savour the joy.

Cherish: Develop a simple way to cherish these moments - a silent (or not) 'thank you' or a hand on your heart. You may find yourself smiling. Stop for a few seconds to fully appreciate the moment, letting it settle in your heart.

Recall: Keep track of your glimmers: a journal where you jot them down, photos that capture the essence of the moment, or a collection of small keepsakes. Creating a personal record serves as a reminder of the joy in your life. [I have an old paper file of ‘Nice Letters’.)

Share: Tell a friend or your family over a meal, or even start an online group where everyone shares their daily glimmers. Reliving these moments through storytelling not only reinforces your own joy but also spreads it to those around you.

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